In this post, think back to a time when you have had interactions where you experienced a "(mis)meeting of the minds." Have you had experiences which, in retrospect, didn't go well because you had different assumptions about causality or use of logic than your interaction partner? What is the geography of your thought and can how does it affect you in your interactions with others? What are the elements of your cultural mindset?
A time when i have had a "mis jmeeting" of the minds with another individual(s) was actually about 2 years ago at my last job. I was working closely on a team with 2 other co-workers. While they were both close to my age, they had been working together for years at the company and had several mutual friends, which instantly put me on the outer circle when i was hired to join their team. I tried to fit in and we all got along alright on the surface, but about 6 months after i was hired our company was purchased by an East Coast company, phasing out the jobs of most of the employees and forcing the rest of us to move to another downsized building down the street in downtown San Jose.
About another 3 months after moving into the new building, the company decided to move one of the teams currently residing on the west coast in our office to the east coast in the main office, which left just myself and my 2 other co-workers in the West Coast office. It was at this point that i began feeling more and more like the 3rd wheel- they were constantly talking about birthday parties and evenst that they were both invited to or attending, and i started getting more and more resentful that they were not being sensitive to the fact that they were making me feel left out. I got more and more distant and unengaged, and they did as well, until one day we had a huge blow out. It turns all of us were acting on our defenses as things had started to spiral, and they thought i didn't like them or want to get to know them because i was not interacting or joining them for lunch- while i thought they didn't want me to join them or to engage in their conversations because of how i was perceiving their interactions with me.
While it resulted in a heated conversation between the 3 of us, it was a good thing in the end because it taught me to not always jump to assumptions about situations, especially under circumstances when i might already be extra sensitive to the group dynamics, like this one. I went into the situation knowing that there was a close tie between my 2 team mates because of outside connections and an established friendship, so when the entire company was relocated except for the 3 of us, i immediately was moved to the mind set that i would naturally end up being left out and feeling disconnected and like the 3rd wheel. This assumption/expectation fueled my further sensitivity to the situation as things unfolded in the following months leading to the confrontation.
I hope to keep this situation top of mind should a similar one come up again in the future.
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